Be this, do that

You need to breathe

You need a break

You’re not well, rest!

You’re holding things to close, you need to let go.

In my head, as much as I know these comments are coming from a loving place. They hurt, they stress me out and worst of all, they make me doubt me.

I recently went to Bali on my own for a week long holiday. It was nice bit exhausting. I didn’t set expectations before going or maybe I did but I didn’t feel rested at the end. In fact I caught a highly contagious parasite and was on bed rest/quarantine for 2 weeks. This included 6 GP visits, 2 Bottles of blood for cultures, 4 vials of blood for other tests, a zika virus test (long stick poked to the back of my nose, ouch!), stool samples, hospital trip for a kidney infection to go on top of things (yay!) and 10 days of antibiotics to treat kidney but nothing for the parasite then a phone call from the Public Board of Health to make sure I wasn’t going near anyone a spreading my infection.

Before these 2 weeks of bleh, I resigned from my job, without another one to go to. It had become a place I was so unhappy at. I’d have an anxiety attack every morning before work. I couldn’t switch off. I didn’t feel like I could do anything right and worst of all I was constantly expected to change. It was too much negative pressure that I just didn’t need. So I gave my notice. I now only have 7 business days until I say “goodbye”. I’ve interviewed at 2 other places, one I really really love and want the position. I’m inspired, excited and determined for this position but then I have others spark doubt in myself. That I need a break altogether. I’m not mentally in a healthy position to start something new.

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