The good blah

A constant difficulty of mine is staying in the present moment.

I’m very good at holding on to what’s happened in the past as well as planning or setting expectations in the future. 

These last two weeks though I have been present. For almost every moment of every day. Perhaps it’s been because there have been so many exciting things happening:hunting for new furniture for my apartment, finding the best prices for washing machines and vacuum cleaners + car hunting. I’ve been so absorbed by things now even more than how I’ll benefit from them in the future.

I’ve come to seriously realise that I operate mainly by goals. If I don’t have a goal I’m not able to stay present.

It’s also been almost a full week of being on my new medication and I’m happy to say I’m sleeping slightly better (apart from waking up super early), I’m not suffering from the constant shake or jitters. I can breath and smile. I even notice I smile more and feel more comfortable to make small talk, have a chat to someone I barely know and not feel obligated to tell them my tragic story. I hate calling it that but really what else can  I say? 

The greatest thing is people don’t feel scared to approach me. I’m happy and smiley and that’s welcoming. 

Far out this is a blab post but fuck it, I’m doing good! 

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