“I’m so sorry” 

It was 12pm on Tuesday, I was going to meet a friend for lunch. While I was parking the car, thinking about whether I’d get a ticket or not if I stayed longer and whether I cared if I got a ticket I also thought about how I’d feel if I didn’t see Jock (ex future husband) before flying back to Sydney. I hadn’t run into him and whilst I was terrified to, I also wanted to. I decided to suck it up and message him asking to meet. His response was almost immediate and I wasn’t surprised he didn’t see the point in it. Still I asked and he agreed. 

I prepared myself to meet an indifferent person. Maybe even dismissive. Instead he was kind, apologetic and sharing. I told him what has happened with me mentally since the break up and he was so upset with himself. He was so sorry he wasn’t supportive and didn’t realise how hard it was for me. He felt like he’d abandoned me and was ashamed of himself. I didn’t tell to hurt him or make him feel guilty. I told him because I wanted him to understand a bit more.

He asked for permission to keep in contact and I asked for some space for a while. I still love him even though he broke my heart and need time to fall out of that love.

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