’tis the season

Christmas parties and plenty of gatherings to be had. All of course come with a generous helping of booze. I like alcohol. Not all but I love a glass or 3 of a good bubbles, beer, gin and tonic, aperol spritz and now I can’t have any!

This is slightly awkward, not for me but others, as they’re used to me drinking and all of a sudden I’m not. Do I tell them I’m on medication and hope they leave it at that say “hey I’m on the crazy pills so alcohol isn’t a good idea unfortunately!” ha, trust me the temptation is there! Not to make others feel awkward but for me to get a laugh out of the situation I currently find myself in. 

Take now, for instance, typical me has rocked up for a birthday drinks thing early and while I wait, delicious refreshing and brain changing drinks are flowing. It’s not yet midday. The sun is out, the ladies are looking glam and apart from missing the memo to wear white at this establishment, I’m enjoying myself people watching.

I’m about to be surrounded by people I barely know and subject myself to small talk. 

I’ve never been good at small talk. Even worse now that I’ve got this massive thing on my plate. I have my medication in my new pill cutter compartment so I don’t miss my 2pm medicinal fix. This is a very different world I find myself in. 

To top things off my friend who’s birthday it is recently lost her husband. So difficult times for both of us and I don’t know if we’re supposed to pretend to be happy and everything’s ok. I don’t know if I have it in me to be happy and pretend everything’s ok. 

I think deep down the issue with these events now for me is, I don’t know how to be. I’m told to just be comfortable. Be myself. But I don’t know who that person is in these situations anymore. 

What I know I don’t want is to feel anxious and awkward. I don’t want to go home bummed out. I know this much. I’ll hold onto that for now.

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